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Sunday, 17 November 2013

Blame Game

After observing different kinds of relationships and of course from my personal experience, I recently had a realization. Few days ago my mum was angry over some reason I still don’t know, maybe her obvious frustration that she has to deal with all the challenges without dad. In her anger she just gave away freshly cooked food, just because I didn't wanted to eat that moment, and she was fighting with me for reasons which were otherwise not wrong to her.  Also just a couple of days back, my friends had a fight over a small thing but it went for quite a long time and it went on increasing for almost 2 days. I have also faced similar senseless, pointless fights with my dear ones.

What I realized is, the main reason we fight is because we are so much determined to prove that it was the other person’s fault due to which the fight never ends and the battle starts with most common statements like, “I did so because You always do the same…”, “ If I didn't call couldn't you call”, “you could have also tried to call”, “You have not yet apologized”, “ First see how you behave” and so on…The worst thing we do is use all the mistakes of the past as the most powerful weapon to win the current battle. Winning the battle becomes so important to us that we just don’t care how the other person will feel by our words. In our typical attempt to justify our mistakes it is possible that we make an injury difficult to heal.

Most of the times such little fights help to make relationships more dynamic, my mom and me laugh at that incident today. It’s not always serious. But sometimes we don’t know how to end it… This BLAME GAME. So long as fights are for fun, they are entertaining, but if not stopped in time they can break relationships, and break people’s heart and bring frustration and agitation.

Is it so difficult to say Sorry? I love to fight too, but I don’t love to continue it till the next day. I am very fond of the saying “raat gayi baat gayi” . Because we cannot stop our anger all at once, at-least we can forget the past and start afresh each day. There is no right or wrong way to love, Some parents may ask their children to justify mistakes while some consider justification as back-answering, Love means different things to different people there is no ‘One for ALL’ concept here.  Love cannot be defined, people may list its different characteristics, There cannot be guidelines how to love. But Love certainly means to simply love without contaminating it with EGO. In Bible, Corinthians 13: 4-5 says Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

It’s good to fight, but too many fights are not good for relationships.'Srila Prabhupad said Fights within family is just like a dark cloud it simply covers the sun for sometimes so we should not worry.' 
But no one likes prolonged darkness. There are more important things to do than to waste so much time and energy on petty things and just fight for no reason. All you have to do, when you are angry, take some time be quite, calm down a little and have a talk rather than behave like animals and fight just to win. Its more important to keep relationships over our mistakes. No one is perfect, Mistakes needs to be corrected not to be fought on. The best thing to do after fight is Laugh over it and end it. is it too difficult?

Saturday, 31 August 2013


If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.-Nelson Mandela.

As I read this line, I started thinking over it. Besides its direct meaning, a different interpretation occurred to me; I thought, isn't it a reason why people believe in ‘Tit for Tat’, to try to hurt others in the same way and in the same language as they might have knowingly or unknowingly offended us. I don’t know exactly how much percent of people do it; but, I am definitely one of them, who wait till the right time to fire back exactly the same words so that it affects or rather hurts more. And those who are not from this species, they have a different way to follow this principle, most others cannot be calm and peaceful unless they have insulted their so-called offender enough, may not be in exactly same words, but in many ways that can best hurt others. In fact, you must have heard many people proudly say, “No one can fight with me, and win me in argument” the famous dialogue “Mujhse ladte samay sabki bolti bandh ho jati hai”. (Of course I am talking about a quarrel and not a genuine healthy debate.) When we proudly say that I can hurt someone best, they become speechless, they are fully agitated and provoked by my words, what are we actually proving? Our Greatness or Glories? No, we are proving how horrible we are, that we can fall down to any degree just to upset others.
Then there are also times, when we understand the reason and justifications behind somebody’s mistake, we know them to be genuine, and yet we scold them. Why? Simply because, our Egoistic and Selfish expectations are frustrated. And we want to throw it out. Some exhibit their ego by fighting back and some by silence.
But where is all this leading us to? How much and how long can we live hurting others and holding grudges. Do we even realize, when we talk about inviting Krsna in our hearts, is our heart worthy enough for Krsna to stay? How can he sit on the floor of lust, in the darkness of anger and dirty odor of vengefulness and also recently I read Rumi, who said, “When we look for the lord, the Lord is in the looks of eyes,” How can we expect to look at Krsna, when our eyes are completely filled with hatred.
 Besides this, it is not only the offender who needs to be tolerant and cultivate forbearance, but it also required for the offended to be patience and forgiving. Only this can help bring about harmony. Because, as my Guru Maharaj (HH Radhanath Swami) says, “Holding grudges or anger against someone, it is like holding a burning coal in our hands, to throw at them, but can we see that the first thing to get burn is our own hands” We must have often heard that you need to forgive to be forgiven. In church when we pray, “and forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”
There is a very simple formula for a peaceful life, “FORGIVENESS” but it is very difficult to follow. One of the most effective way to get rid of any injury or hurt is to realize, “ I must have done the same to somebody at some time and so I am facing this” and that’s it, the pain is reduced and we are humbled. Thus we can transform frustrating situations in glorious opportunities to be humble and seek for mercy.

Anger and Intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding- Mahatma Gandhi and whatever begins in anger is bound to end in shame. A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook offences. 

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

Heavy Penalty

Just a small incident I wish to share. Krsna has His own ways to instruct. Recently I was caught by the TC; as my season ticket (monthly pass) expired just the previous day. I had completely forgotten about renewing my pass. I requested him to excuse me as it was an honest mistake. But he was very strict and penalized me with an amount which could have got me a travel for more than 2 months. My mom and friends mockingly laughed at me. They found it quite amazing because I am always very particular about having proper tickets, giving rightful fare; just try to follow senior devotees. But this incident was an epic
for them. My mom said good lesson for you, some friends said never mind. For me it was very embarrassing. Although I too laughed at it, but somewhere I was affected by it.

I realized, just a carelessness of one day, and I was penalized despite of following the ethics all the time every time. This incident taught me the importance of being alert and careful, we may have been following the principles and practicing different angas of bhakti for years, but a moment of carelessness can earn a huge penalty. It may not take Bhakti away, but will definitely disturb the rhythm of our service. And we won’t be able to even laugh at it.

Recently we got an opportunity to serve a senior Vaishnava couple. They explained how in a family Bhakti is like the youngest baby, like the most precious jewel. We need to take care of it and nurture it. A moment of inattentiveness or carelessness and Bhakti will slip away. And in this age of Kali, we cannot afford to waste our time in re-establishing our mood of service again and again. We need to take things seriously, and inquire about the truths of life. Every day our sadhna should be better than the previous day; even a constant level of practice is as good as degradation. The quality of our sadhna should increase exponentially with the increasing number of days.

We cannot imagine how many births we have spent without serving Krsna, how many more can we afford to? You never know what the next moment holds for you. We are heading towards a surprise test moment by moment, because not all of us are lucky to know the dates of the Final Test, for most of us it is gonna be a surprise.

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Will it Please Krishna

Reading through the pages of ‘Nectar Stream’ a book by HH Radhanath Maharaj, gifted to me by one of my dear God-sisters, I came across this quote, “In this age of Kali, moving mountains is easier than trying to co-operate”. It brought a grin on my face. “How true!” I exclaimed to myself and continued with my routine. Now all those who have the experience of the Mumbai locals especially the mumbaikars will agree with me that an unpredictable fight or a senseless argument is obvious in the compartment; especially among the female passengers. That day I witnessed one such argument among two ladies. Out of them one seemed to be highly religious and powerful, at least by the statement she made. She said to the other woman that just because she fought with her god will punish her severely. I wondered. Is this what we understand about religion and spirituality? Will God even consider the prayers and pleas of this woman?

How can any religion make someone so vengeful and intolerant? Can any religion take away our empathy, understanding and patience? Gurumaharaj says, “Seek not to be understood, but Understand.” It is so important. I was amazed. We cannot maintain our tolerance and composure even in a journey of 20mins, and we talk about being religious and spiritual. I could now connect to the quote I read that morning.
I realized how we talk about Loving god and serving him and worshiping him while we do not even follow the basic requisites by loving and serving his people. For loving God means loving everyone and everything just as him. Shouldn’t we first try to cultivate basic qualities and then aim for higher moods? Isn’t it better to learn to draw before attempt our masterpiece?

Tolerance, Co-operation, Forgiveness, Patience we talk about these principles. But how often do we practice them. If our mother scolds, we immediately back answer instead of tolerating, if our friend or anyone hurts us we become vengeful or at least angry instead of forgiving. We simply do not try to adjust, but always want to control. Where Krsna expects us to be simple at heart we complicate our lives like a spider, which builds web around itself and is finally trapped in it to death.

What does simplicity means? Wearing simple clothes? Eating simple food? Or is it about having a heart free from envy, pride, anger and hatred; filled with only one intention, “how can I please the Lord?” The moment we center our lives around pleasure of Krishna and his service, we will be able to get rid of all these anarthas occupying our mind. A simple Heart doesn’t try to control, instead adjusts and compromises to maintain the harmony. A Devotee is very determinant but at the same time extremely humble. Dalai Lama said, “In the practice of Tolerance, once enemy is the best teacher.” All we need to do is before exhibiting any emotion ask a quick Question to ourselves, “Will this please Krishna?

Saturday, 13 July 2013

Dog of Krishna

I always wondered why Srila Prabhupad said we are Krishna’s dog. This thought always bothered me why he chose a dog. Few days ago one of a very old friend of my family engaged himself and me in a long conversation. By Krsna’s unlimited mercy I am surrounded by souls who are extremely spiritual in various faiths. This uncle mentioned about qualities of Dog. He said a dog has up to 40 qualities; out of which one of the most important qualities is his humility. No matter how much you hit your dog, scold them, be rude to them they will still wag their tails on seeing you. They are so faithful that no matter what it takes they will always try to defend you from any potential danger..

After he went I reflected on our conversation, and was wondering we are not even as good as dogs and we feel so proud of ourselves. I remembered Srila Prabhupad often asked to feel like a dog, and my doubt was resolved why a dog? My Guru Maharaj HH Radhanath Swami explains the principle of Opposites attracting each other in terms of Spiritual success. He says Krishna is all powerful so if we try to show our power to him we will only repel him. Power of knowledge, wealth, renunciation or beauty etc   cannot attract him. Humility attracts him. The more we get humble, the more Krsna will come running to us.

Such a simple attitude but we find it so difficult to adopt it. Because we can just not give up our egoistic identity of being a scholar, or super talented or an excellent human being or what’s more common “I know and understand everything” If someone scolds us even worse we hold eternal enmity against that person, we can never forget that insult, what to speak of still loving the person unconditionally. We are so conditioned in every walk of life, yet we are proud. We can Love only if we are loved, we can offer respect only if we are respected, we care only if we are cared for. And we talk about “trnadapi sunicena.”

I laughed at myself thinking that we claim to have so much knowledge; but realization- NONE.  Just then I came across this quote “By reading you learn, but you understand by LOVE”.  And it was so appealing. We may know everything, but we do not understand. No matter what we believe, we only Love ourselves. Because, if we were selfless we wouldn’t be hurt, we wouldn’t feel enmity, anger, hatred. We would only be concerned about the pleasure of our beloved.

Every time now when I see a dog, I feel “I am not even as good as him”.

Tuesday, 11 June 2013

Perfect Happiness

“King of the world Thou art poor; Happiness is with the Servant for Sure”

“It is true that wealth and luxuries make you glad; however, there is no use of this momentary gladness. One can be contented perpetually merely by giving happiness to others. One can gain serenity by bringing a modest smile on gloomy face one can experience showers of blessings by satisfying a starving stomach. One can attain triumph on sorrow just by tending a wound; Sheathing a stripped or simply by doing little to add joy to this mourning world by serving unconditionally- not the ones who can repay you- will craft you as the most happiest person on this soil.”

I found this note on a sheet of paper when I was cleaning my treasure boxes on Sunday. I wrote it when I was in School class 8; I remember we were learning Be-attitudes in our religion class which made me elaborate this. But while reading it now I found something missing in it. Perhaps something that I experienced over the years or I learnt in the association of Vaishnavas.

Everything mentioned are act of goodness, we can always do them, it’s better than being rude and selfish. But how long can we feed someone and how many? How many clothes can we provide, how much sorrow can ‘We’ take away. My Guru Maharaj often quotes Mother Teressa in his lectures “The world is hungry, not the hunger of belly but hunger of heart. The world is hungry for Love and only God’s Love can satisfy.”

It’s just so real; we can make wonders when we simply become instruments in the hands of God and let him use us as he wants. Feed the hungry with God’s Love, cover the timid people with the protection of god’s promises, bring them joy; eternal happiness by teaching them the art of Loving God, of Trusting and Depending on Him. Only that can bring them complete Peace. “Perfect Happiness”.

Sunday, 9 June 2013

Terrifying False-Ego

I was attracted by a beautiful girl, who seemed to be my Samaritan and I felt that she could be my best friend. She was very pretty and talked very pleasingly, this illusion ended when I discovered she was a terrorist disguised, her intention was not to physically harm me, but she would not let me speak to anyone, not make any phone call or send any message. I was kind of home arrested by her. I tried to lock her in and escape but she caught me. I called the police they seemed least bothered and said they would come the next day to arrest her. She was laughing at me, in anger I tried to chop her with a knife and I kept stabbing her, but she won’t die. I chopped off her leg and made scars all over her body but she still laughed at me looking even more ferocious. I called some butchers to take and just cut her off into pieces because there was no way to destroy her, she escaped them and jumped into a pool pretending to be dead, but just when I relaxed she came back and called for me in a very grave and scary voice. I woke up pale and panting my breath out. It was a scary dream.

It was 4 in the morning; I got fresh and sat for my rounds of japa. I was still terrified with the dream I sincerely prayed to Narsimha Dev to cast away my fear and soon I realized, “Wasn’t that beautiful lady a personification of my FALSE-EGO?”

Our False-ego also appears very pleasing and attractive, but soon it starts taking us away from our loved ones, it doesn’t allow us to speak to them, apologize to them and care for their feelings. It keeps us arrested within ourselves. We cannot lock it; it catches us. When someone tries to hurt it, it gets even more ferocious. No one else can help us get rid of us just like the policemen who were least bothered or even the butchers who failed to catch her. And when we think we are free of it and get careless it comes again terrifying us calling for us and petrifying us.

This made me worried, how can we be free of this false-ego. The answer to it was “Wake-up” it is a dream, “False”-Ego, it is only an illusion. We need to pray to Narsimha Dev, take complete shelter of the Holy-names; only then shall we be free of this False-Ego, only then shall we be able to overcome it. And accept the reality the only truth “ayi nanda tanuja kinkaram” (sikshastakam verse-5), that ‘I am the eternal servant of the beautiful son of Nanda Maharaj.’

Saturday, 18 May 2013

Paint With God

Not really some realizations but just a day collected in my memory bag . . .
The day began with guilt of Waking up late, compensating for which I made a plan to go to temple with my mom and my cute little cousin; to my frustration the plan was cancelled when my mother suddenly remembered my Grandma’s invitation to her home. I agreed to it as my Grandma made me promise a visit to her. So it was six of us (my aunt and her two daughters also joined in) who finally decided to surprise Grandma. . . Somewhat convinced and equally disappointed with the change of plan, I tried to accept my Day as it came.

Due to the usual rush of Mumbai local, all six of us dispersed in different corners of the compartment in search of a place to sit. Nothing better could have happened, as I found sometime to chant rather than force myself into traditional talks with my mom or aunt.

I felt good after few rounds and had kept aside my beads when my cousin came to call me saying that they got seats for all of us to sit together. I went to them and spent some time cracking jokes and clicking pictures.  Had a small textual conversation with a friend which reflected some of my deficiencies, although I am well-aware of them, and know I need a lot to change, for some reason realizing my shortcomings at that moment irritated me, perhaps my ego was pricked. With some disturbance of mood, we reached soon, and as we knew they were pleasantly surprised to welcome us.  After a little snack my Grandpa took me upstairs to his study to have a small conversation with me. He has a deep spiritual inclination in Christian Faith and the first question he asked me was, “How is your Spiritual Life?” He was preaching bible to me, I felt good, because ultimately he was talking about my Kanha whom he called Yahweh. It was a good conversation; he gave me a book to read too.

Soon Mom called for me as it was time to leave. Grandpa escorted us till the railway station, the situation in the train even while returning was the same, scattered in beginning and united again. Suddenly mom proposed to get down at some station and go to the lake for some boating and visiting the fun-fair, I was too bored to say yes, but my cousin was too excited and the whole plan depended on my affirmance. My mean mind said no, he got upset, suddenly the saint in me exclaimed, “Let’s Go!” And we got down, walked till the lake enjoyed the crazy rides, took a Tonga-ride which seemed embarrassing yet too funny to care. Then we had some food and headed back.
I was missing dad all the time, the only time I visited that place before, was with him and I could do nothing but imagine how would the day had been in his presence.

While returning I was too tired to think of anything rational and so entertained myself with a useless fight with lovely people around me. They are too kind to tolerate me and I misuse this favor every time. Next Morning I was just reflecting on my day when I realized it was simply perfect. Some disappointments, some surprises, some lovely moments with lovely family, and some fights with loved ones, some matured conversations and some childish amusement rides. Isn’t that a way to paint your life, with all the colors?

Like a little child who scribbles his imaginations not bothering how will it look like? Will he receive appreciations? Will he be mocked at? He simply scribbles his imaginations and mind you those are very precious to him. The Lewis Berger tagline “Paint Your Imaginations” that’s what we need to do to keep our life simple. Why complicate it caring about opinions of people who don’t care. Let the only person judging you be the Lord in your heart, who will guide you to choose your colors. He is painting your life with you. It is just you and him. And it will surely be a Masterpiece unique of its kind.
Let him choose the colors, he will consider your likes and dislikes at the same time he will consider what will suit the painting, and balancing both the things He will add beauty in every detail.
Make your painting Perfect, just Paint it with God.

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

The Hypocrisy of “I"

Most relationships comprise of different flavors: a little Care, a little fight, a little joy, a little happiness, a little tension but the bottom line is everything is cooked with Love. Every new dish that we taste every day is cooked on love; be it sweet ‘kheer’ of caring words or ‘chilly paneer’ of fights the fire that cooks it is Love and that is what is important.

The Hypocrisy of “I” is that, when we are happy and our Ego is satisfied, we see the fire of love behind every dish and appreciate the feelings; but when “I” does not get its expected Importance, the same fire of love appears to be volcano of misunderstanding. What to speak of the spicy ‘chilly paneer’ (fights) even the ‘kheer’ appears to be an expression of sarcasm.
There is no problem in expressing anger, irritation or frustration. We need variation in Life, imagine eating only rice every day or only kheer every day or only karela every day; sounds boring, isn’t it? Recently I read this quote online “To tolerate means to see things with heart and not eyes” by (forgot the author).

So expressing anger, irritation, disappointment is perfectly fine. What goes wrong is looking at the things with the eye of ‘I’ and not feeling it with Heart. It is the Hypocrisy of I that does not let us see the Love and care behind anger, and we are fed up of fights, of irritation etc. etc. etc.

In relationships more than expecting to be understood it is important to try to understand, at the end we are together for Krishna to serve him and not serve our senses. If one fails to understand the other should try to understand, we are all bound to be conquered by our senses, it may seem irrelevant, unexpected, not right but it is very natural to behave Human because we are Human still.
When we think the other person is wrong there are two possibilities: one the person is actually wrong or second that it is the “I” that presents them as wrong. In either case fighting and shouting and getting angry is not the solution. Speaking to them what you think and listening to them what they are feeling will help clear the confusion.

There is no one made for each other in this world, it’s just a statement to make us realize the importance of being together. We are all made for Krishna and we must try to remember this.
Whenever you feel frustrated the next time take time, sit back and reflect. What is important? To fight, hurt each other and get fed up of it. Or to end the fight on the cute note, forgive each other, and be happy.
Let not “I” make you forget “WE”. Because as Devotees we come together to Serve and Please Krishna, to help each other improve and accept each other’s short comings with Love.
Next time you want to shout or think someone is wrong tell yourself “it is the Hypocrisy of I

Monday, 15 April 2013

Be the Best Butter

Often we face many obstacles and Challenges in our endeavor to practice Devotional Services. Financial Obstacles, Pressures from Family and Peers, Our own instability and fear and there are many more thoughts haunt our mind all the time. It is very difficult to keep our mind Vacant, but is it a wise option to keep it occupied with worries and fears? Neither worrying reduces the Worry nor Does Fear removes the Fear, it only adds to anxiety. But we are accustomed to these kinds of Extra Curricular Activities, We make it our Prime duty to deal with the obstacles ourselves, to try and try to remove it, to keep plotting plans to be obstacle free. Let us ask ourselves, “Do we really want these obstacles out to perform our sadhna better or is it because we do not want to take efforts?” Mostly it is the latter part.
Krishna Loves Butter; he steals away the best butter. So why not try to become that Best butter and then Offer ourselves to Krishna? But to become the Best Butter we need to be churned and churned and churned. If you are scared of this churning will you be able to become the best butter for Krsna to steal you?
When obstacles hurdle your way, pray to Nityananda for mercy, it is the most gracious situation to take complete shelter, we are not the controllers, so lets not waste time trying to control our Lives. Instead of wasting our time trying to plan out ways to remove our obstacles, it is better to use that time planning ‘how to still serve in the existing situation’.Let the churning be, you just concentrate on becoming that sweet delicious butter.   
When the Gopis wanted to observe the Katyayani Vrata to attain Krishna as their husbands, Krishna wouldn’t let them do it. He complained to their families, he would disturb them in their pooja, steal their samagri etc etc… He always came up with excellent ways to stop them. But the Gopis hardly bothered of what this Prankster would do, they were more focused in completing the Vrata and so did they. Krishna had to finally give up. He couldn’t resist tasting the butter of their Love.
If you get scared, worried or upset with the churning how will you ever be the Best Butter? Let as many churnings come so you become the softest most delicious butter for krsna to resist. Smile when next time you face any obstacle, Krsna is challenging you, and he loves to be defeated. Soon he will Steal the Butter of Your Love.

Sunday, 7 April 2013

A look at the mirror

I had once read somewhere "Behavior is the mirror in which everyone shows their image." It was a good line to read then but realised its meaning tonight.

Realised how the snake of anger raises its fangs when the ego is pricked.Like a mirror our Life reflects back what we think into it, When I saw my behaviour reflecting my thoughts I can't express how disgusted I am to see them.Believe me it isn't a beautiful sight.

In the fantasy world of praises and appreciations an encounter with reality revealed the mirror image of my heart, this mirror was nothing else but my own rude and angry behaviour. By Krishna's mercy and association of Excellent devotees, I could pause for a while and reflect on my actions. I wish I had an eraser or an UNDO button, to just delete the abominable side of my actions. But instead of being sorry that I do not have any such tool, I am happy there isnt any eraser or an UNDO button in Life. Because if it was, then we would recklessly go on behaving wrong, and erasing them as and when required.
Krsna is smart enough to not allow any reversals, thats how we can remember our mistakes and learn from it again and again. True we are all conditioned, but if we make a conscious effort to improve on our ill habbits, Hopefully some day we can evolve as a better person. One thing that I learnt is after a dispute when we are angry, instead of finding a reason to blame the other person if we try to see our mistake Anger subsides Quickly and all we feel is humbled.

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. Or Job is to reflect the Teachings of our Acharyas who have burned their Lives like a candle to enlighten us. But in order to Reflect them, we need to be a spotless mirror free from specks of Ego Pride and Anger. Only then will we be able to reflect The Love of God and the teachings of Acharyas in its pure and Beautiful Form

Begging for Forgiveness for being a failure and Praying for mercy.
A Fallen Aspirant.

Saturday, 6 April 2013

Our Little World

Reading through some quotes in my Collection I came across this morning, "Even Harsh words is Violence"- HH Radhanath Maharaj. What kind of violence this is, no weapons but can cause the greatest injury. And many a times this kind of violence is not between strangers, but only our dear ones, whom we are supposed to be Loving.
Sometimes we experience the consequences of frustrated emotions and expectations, This experience makes us unhappy resulting in Anger, Depression, Hopelessness, Insensitivity, Envy, Confliction, Lonliness, Violence, Selfishness, Vengfulness and whats most destructive is we become UNFORGIVING.
When few people come together as family, they seek support, understanding, acceptance and above all LOVE. It is very easy to support each other, help each other, understand, accept and Love each other when things are pleasing to our ego. But how many times do we make an attempt to support a person who had dejected us, to understand when someone was rude and harsh to us, to accept someone who has hurt us and to Love a person who exhibited their anger at us like an age-old enemy.
Its alright to be angry and upset with someone, but what is important is after we are done exhibiting these emotions how we get along happily forgiving each other, accepting them for what they are, and Loving them with the same zeal.
When an ice builds up in a relationship, instead of trying to break it to pieces with the hammer of ego, it is better to melt it with the warmth of Love. Love means to understand the situation of our dear ones when they hurt you and not hurt them back.
It may happen that when you draw the thought process of all family members on a pice of paper they will all face in different directions, but what we have to see is they are all on the Same Paper.
When you embrace the pain it is bound to change. When you offer Love to others despite their behaviour they are bound to Love you back with even more intesity than they might have hurt you.
Love and Forgiveness is the only way to fill the cracks created by Ego.
The world is becoming a Trouble machine with upsetting situations arising every moment,Everyone is overridden by thoughts; that's why they have so much heartache and sorrow. It is very important to understand and forgive the troubled heart of our dear ones and make a beautiful little world- Family - full of Love with The All Loving God at its Center.

Time is running and Life is too short to complain, criticize and hold grudges instead Let us appreciate, Forgive and Love each other.

Anger is like a burning coal, when we hold to throw at somebody, we fail to realise we are burning our own hands.- HH Radhanath Marahaj

The beauty of Forgiveness is that it cures both the offender and the offended. The Beauty of Love is that it fills all the hearts with happiness Whether you give or receive. Because Love is God and God is Love and Love is all there is. Feel the blue boy present among us, and act only to please. Let the World Experience his Love through You.

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Time I am

A realisation which got inspired after reading 'IDLE GOSSIP' of a friend.

Krishna says in Bhagvat Gita 10:30- "Among subduers I am Time" 

Thinking over just this one line. It means every day is Krsna, Every hour, Every minute, every second, every millisecond is KRISHNA. Can't this be one reason why we are advised since ages that we must not waste time?

We must make the optimum use of our time. what we do with our time is actually what we do with krsna. Isn't it therefore better to always utilize our time in the pleasure of Krishna.
Also its so amazing to realise and feel krishna in every moment. Its Krishna everywhere, and Everytime With us.

Sunday, 24 March 2013

While We Can . . .

I dont know how to stop  lamenting
I dont kn0w how to stop missing him
the face that i saw in my dream last night is still before my eyes
all I do is sit before my altar and tell my kanu 'I am Sorry'
my behaviour seems immature but I believe its very Human
I dont know how to stop wishing for ONE oportunity to meet him and tell him all i feel for him all that I ever felt.
Also an opportunity to know all tht he ever thought about me.

And in this gloominess I usually get frustrated
Because I dont know how to react, how to feel
sometimes even a big injury won't affect me
sometimes even a small argument makes me mad
i know I should learn how to deal with it
but as of now I am unable to get through it.
May be i will learn someday
Upset this morning when I looked at my Gopinath, he reminded me of the Caring Shelter Workhop that I attended couple of months back. The words that echoed in my mind was "Its OK to be SAD"

I know one day I will practically accept He is gone forever and he will never ever come back
i will get no chance to talk to him, and i may stop repenting, and stop feeling guilty tht i could do nothng for him
may b someday I will stop remembering his every emotion, frustration, misery, suffering and helplessness.

I Trust that he is in Krsna's care, he was a good man little ignorant, little innocent, little arrogant yet the best man in my life.. Who loved me more than anyone and anything and I never valued it.
I shall sober up some day, I shall behave Good, I shall control my emotions from overcoming my intelligence.

But I also know it will take ages to get free of the guilt that I never Expressed my Love to him.
This makes me wonder Why are we always scared of our dear ones? Why we hurt them the most? Why don't we often express what we feel for them? Why do we take things for granted? Why we always complain of the shortcomings? why can't we simply appreciate whats simply best about people? Why is it only the absence that makes us value people? Why Can't we just love them for what they are when they are?

My Loss taught me few things I want to share
Express Your Love to your Dear ones while you have Time
Once its too late, you will have nothing to feel but repentence
Is it too difficult to ignore the misunderstandings, Tolerate anger and frustrations and just Love, after all the fight simply say "Its OVER, now can we be normal again"

Things would have been so different if only I could tell him "Paa I Really Love you, You're my Hero" while he was there.
All I feel today is disdainful about myself to have never behaved well with him.
No matter how loud I scream I know he won't hear me.

But in this hopelessness I can't go insane and just keep hurting others who are there with me. Although I cannot stop expressing my anger or frustration, I will try to not stop expressing my Love for them as well.

Deep Down I know My Paa is fine, in Krsna's Loving care. Happy Somewhere serving him.
All I pray is "Krsna! Please ask him to forgive me for not being a Good daughter. But He was truly an excellent Father, He was your best Gift to me"

All I wanna say is
"Love people, and just ignore whats not pleasing to you, as my Guru Maharaj (HH Radhanath Swami) says: 'Seek not to be understood but Understand' and above all Always Forgive- Others for hurting you and Yourself for the mistakes you do"

Lets make things Beautiful While We can.

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

beche toh bik jaaun

Walking back the memory lane this evening I reached an evening which held a vivid place in my memories. With project papers on the writing pad, research materials like books, printouts spread accross my study table I was reading through one of the books - A life sketch of Meerabai- and came accross this Poem

"main Giridhar ke ghar jaaun
Giridhar mharo saacho pritam
dekhat roop lubhaun
jaha bithaawe tith hi baithu
beche toh bik jaaun
Meera k prabhu Giridhar naagar
bar bar bali jaaun"

I felt these words through tears. For some strange reason I felt extremely happy, I felt proud of I don't know what. As if I achieved everything humanly possible and I have nothing else to Desire.

A feeling of belonging began to embrace me. I belong to that Giridhari, I am owned by him, I am a puppet of his hand completely at his disposal and the fact that I was happy about it seemed crazy to me then. But it didnt matter. All I wanted is to just live with that feeling.

That state of heart and mind continued for a few days, but the conditioned human nature rose back and I was again trapped in thousand desires. When I look back to it today, the line "beche toh bik jaaun" keeps echoing in my mind and I so wish to feel the same way again and Forever.
Absolute total Surrender, so Innocent and So pure.
Read tha same poem again few days back, the complete poem will share it too.

"Main Giridhar ke ghar jaaun
Giridhar mhaaro saacho pritam 

dekhat roop lubhaun
Rayn pade tab hi uthi jaaun
bhor bhaye uthi aaun
rayn dina wa ke sang khelu
jyu tyu taa hi rijhaaun
jo pahiraave soi pahiru
jo de soyi khaaun
meri uski preeti purani
un bin pal na rahaun
jaha baithave tith hi baithu
beche toh bik jaaun
Meera kahe prabhu Giridhar naagar
baar baar bali jaaun."

Oh friend! I shall go to the House of my Giridhar
He alone is my true beloved
in a most attractive form.
I shall wake up in the night
I shall wake up at the dawn
Will enjoy with him Day and night
and do whatever it takes to please him
I shall wear whatever he makes me wear
and eat whatever he feeds me
This Love between us is age old
I cannot sustain a moment without him
I shall sit wherever he makes me sit
and Get SOLD when HE sells me
Oh Lord of Meera's Life Giridhar
My Life I surrender to you.

Sunday, 10 March 2013

KaisaSuman diwana hai

Lamha lamha dohraaye
yeh gum ka naya bahana hai
Do pal muskaakar murjhaya
yeh kaisa suman diwana hai

kuch pal baithu koi baat karu
jo chand zara khil jaaye toh
jee bhar dekhu har raat jagu
koi dost kabhi mil jaye toh.
Raat sakhi jeevan bhar ki
par dost ko ek din jana hai
Do pal muskaakar murjhaya
yeh kaisa suman diwana hai

mann pagla pal-pal ghabraaye
na bole kuch sunta jaaye
jane gehri kya baat chupi
jo chaahe par keh na paaye
Na samjhe kuch na chaahe kuch
khud hi mein ise samaana hai
Do pal muskaakar murjhaya
yeh kaisa suman diwana hai

har paath jale din-raat jale
par bhi andhiyara chhoote na
bhar bhar ojhal ho kar bhi kyun
naino ke baadal toote na
raah take har shaam na jane
kise yaha phir aana hai
Do pal muskaakar murjhaya
yeh kaisa suman diwana hai

na jane kis mod pe aakar
ye raah bawree suljhegi
kya jane fir koi nayi
manzil se jaakar uljhegi.
Mann chahe ab so wo kare
humko na ise samjhana hai
Do pal muskaakar murjhaya
yeh kaisa suman diwana hai

Saturday, 9 March 2013

To My Valentine

Love is always patient and kind
it is never boastful nor conceited
it is never rude or selfish
it does not take offence
and is not resentful
Love takes no pleasure
in other people's saneness
but delights in truth
it is always ready
to excuse
to trust
to hope
enduring whatever comes

Thank you for always being there for me. For Tolerating my anger and impatience. You never complained but always treated me with patience and Love. There were many times when I was ungrateful and selfish but you still forgave all my mistakes. You always offered me your unconditional Love. You were there for me in my failure and you rejoiced in my every achievement. You comforted me when I was upset. You held my hand and guided me when my journey seemed tough. Who else can ever Love me as you do? Who else can ever be so patient? Forgive me that I cannot Love you back as much, I am too caught up in my busy life, I realize you are waiting for me, so that I can speak with you, spend some good time with you, but every time I try to do it, my mind flickers away and I disappoint you once again, yet you smile at me and, "Its alright, try again, I am waiting." I am trying, but nothing works, Its like I am acustomed to ignore you. But I promise I won't give up, I promise one day I will surely Love you more than anything and everything. I want to Love You you are the most wonderful beloved one can ever have. But a shameless fool like me,can't give up other commitments and I beg to be helped. Won’t you help me my Beloved Ghanshyam???

Saturday, 2 March 2013

No Holding Back

Talking with a friend this morning a very interesting conversation filled my thoughts. This conversation was with my Counselor few years ago. After a long gap of around one month I could finally visit temple, I was very excited and RadhaRaasbihariji were wearing my favorite blue and silver with an even more beautiful ‘Pagdi’ (turban). That was not all. Even RadhaBankimrai (my counselor’s deities) were in a brilliant golden dress. My eyes celebrated the most blissful festivals of the darshan. Few thoughts began to race in my mind and I simply asked Mataji, “Mataji, Krishna blesses with a desire to serve him, to see him, then there are obstacles, then He makes the way, then we come to him thinking that we are pleasing him by doing so; but if we observe It is actually He who is making us Happy. Then what are we doing?” Mataji smiled and she replied, “We tell him that we want him. We accept to be his servants.” That’s all. Bhakti is so simple; just firmly accept to be his servant. Just genuinely desire to Love him. And He includes you in his pastime. But it is so difficult for us to just do this simple thing. So many desires to fulfill, that we either keep postponing the Desire to want him – Krishna let me just achieve this particular thing then nothing do I want, Krishna this is my last wish, Krsna just let me get this job then I can serve you better, Krsna let me clear this exam then I will concentrate on my Sadhna, Krsna let me first get married so that I am free to do my Sadhna etc… etc… etc… - so many reasons to postpone the KC DESIRE. Or else If we do not postpone worse we do is pretend to have the desire while still lamenting on our losses.
This discussion reminded me of One of Gurumaharaj’s(HH Radhanath Swami)lectures. In that lecture he was explaining the Maakhan Chor leela of Gopal. How Gopal’s stealing is justified. He explained-
Everything belongs to Krishna, he can take it any way, but he chooses to steal, and when he comes to steal something from us then he is including us in his pastime, and if we do not allow him to steal then it is actually that we are stealing from him, we are rejecting his mercy by lamenting on our losses. He can steal anything from us, and surrender means to give it all, no holding Back. Can we Try it?

Sunday, 24 February 2013

The Lost Sheep

Friday morning was a Hasty morning…  Many things to do, very little time... Since few days Heart was extremely troubled, with so many pressures at the same time…  And just as I was about to leave home, My Grandfather’s best friend arrived at my place to meet us.HE opened is bible and was reading some verses to me, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.”- John 14. Then he read to me What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.” –Mathew: 18
This verse just touched my heart. All over his Creations he is simply spreading the messages Calling us back home. It reminded me of the message I read in Madhurya kadambini.. that Krsna is giving us.

"You left me long long ago, you forgot me, but I never forgot you. Lifetime after Lifetime after Lifetime you tried to enjoy material world; but I was always in your heart. Waiting for you to turn to me. You suffered storms, you suffered diseases, you suffered broken hearts and sometimes you enjoyed- Wealth, prosperity, high education. But eventually it was all taken away.
Didn’t you feel separation for me as I felt separation for you at every minute??
And then finally you turned to me and you gave your life to me and I saw how difficult it was in this material world for you to turn to me and to be faithful.. You were ridiculed, you were persecuted, you were criticized and sometimes you had to beg. But I was always with you. I was there to protect you. And now finally, you have returned home. I welcome you."

Remembering all this, A feeling of repentance began to grip me… we left him and came to enjoy, what is the need for him to bring each one of his children back? He is so mercifully trying all the ways possible to take us back. Each one, not a single soul he wants to be left out. He is so merciful and we are so selfish. He is coming again and again and again… He is constantly trying to contact us, keeps calling keeps messaging but we are too busy to reply to him. We are so ruthlessly ignoring him and he is so patiently calling us. Only because he knows we cannot be happy without him… He feels so sad to see us suffering, and he keeps reminding us of the way out of this vicious cycle but we don’t want to get out of it. We are still hopeful about this hopeless place which is called “dukhalaya”.

Thinking on all these lines a sudden thought came to my mind. All of us at sometimes have faced betrayal, our friends ignoring us, not replying our mails or messages or not receiving our calls, not listening to us. How do we react? Do we still patiently wait? Or do we just fight with them? Then I thought what if these people blame us for all the mishaps that happened to them just because they did not listen to us. Isn’t the feeling devastating?
That’s exactly what we do with god, He keeps us reminding don’t do adharma, do not be attached, come back to me... But we never listen to him, and when we face some trouble we blame him, “Why did God do this to me?” Doesn’t it sound unfair to that Kind loving Lord? Don’t you think he deserves all our love? Can we ever repay our debts to him? Let’s Try to go back… Let’s make our attempt to not hurt him more. When he will see us returning to him and listening to him, he will come running to hold us and carry us back home in his loving arms… Rejoicing and celebrating, pampering us like no one ever did.
Closing my eyes I said a small prayer
“Krishna I am Yours, with all my qualities and all my Faults, I lay myself at your feet. Please Accept me. Carry this lost sheep on your shoulders, I cannot find my way back. Please Take me Home, I am tired”

Monday, 18 February 2013

He is There

My Day started with a worried mind and an upset heart. I was trying to install a few softwares on my PC which would not work out. So decided to go to college and get some help. It took me longer than expected and so with Great disappointment I gave up the idea of spending the later part of the day at the temple. Once my work was completed around 4 pm I left from college, called up Prabhuji and inquired what his plan was. He informed me he is going to attend the Kirtan Mela and had already left his place. For a moment I got upset, as I would not be able to attend the most ecstatic event-“Kirtan Mela”.  Our trains were running almost parallel, so we decided to meet up at the next station for some time and then go our ways. Suddenly I just asked him,“can I attend the Mela too?” I knew its next to impossible as there would not be any pass for me, and the time doesn't suits as I already informed my mother that I would be back home early that day, All this was just disappointing me more and more.
We met, and he asked me to come along.I felt butterflies in my stomach when he said the pass is arranged. I was Delighted. In a moment I had a mixed emotion of gratitude, wonder, shock. It felt like a beggar invited to dine with the king and his royal associates.  The more we were getting closer to the auditorium the more I was getting nervous at the same time super exited. All of a sudden I thought of My Guru maharaj, I so much wanted to have his Darshan but I realized he was already present there in the morning and so I presumed he won’t be coming in the evening (Got disappointed). Nevertheless the excitement of being a part of the Kirtan Mela for the first time was enough to cover all the gloominess.
Soon I was in the ocean of Transcendental Bliss, Swimming to my complete ability, 2 hrs passed like two seconds, and it was my time to leave, Just the thought of leaving gripped me with great pain. As I was leaving one of my god-sisters caught me, and insisted I must stay for the next hour. I was worried, as I had too much of work pending to be done in so less time. I went out and spoke to Prabhuji and some friends what should I do, One of them told me if I wait I won’t be able to leave till it ends. I didn't quite believe him. And thought I would leave in 15 mins… But he was so blissfully right.
As The Kirtan started, the atmosphere changed totally… The deities of Radha and Krsna appeared so real, he seemed to be smiling, and to add on to my ecstasy Guru maharaj entered and sat just 2 ft ahead of me. How could I possibly think of even moving an inch out of the sight. I sat there completely glued and lost. The battery of my cell phone was on the verge of dieing any minute I so intensely prayed please Krsna let this phone be alive till I record this Kirtan, at least a considerable part of it. Miraculously the phone survived for that one hour, and died just when I stopped recording. I felt grateful. It seemed like no time had passed when The Kirtan ended and now finally it was time to leave as it was over 2 hr journey back home, and the time was already past 8:30.

With a heavy yet grateful heart I started walking back to the bus-stand. All the time I simply meditated on that entire day. Since past few days, Life was presenting its challenges one after the other. I felt lost, left-out and very depressed. But by arranging the Kirtan night Krsna reassured He is there, all the time, With me, Guiding me, Leading me, Protecting me, Listening to me, Loving me. I know I will never be lost, He is there to help me. My Best Friend, My only Samaritan, My Blue boy.