If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart.Nelson Mandela.
As I read this line, I started thinking over it. Besides its direct meaning, a different interpretation occurred to me; I thought, isn't it a reason why people believe in ‘Tit for Tat’, to try to hurt others in the same way and in the same language as they might have knowingly or unknowingly offended us. I don’t know exactly how much percent of people do it; but, I am definitely one of them, who wait till the right time to fire back exactly the same words so that it affects or rather hurts more. And those who are not from this species, they have a different way to follow this principle, most others cannot be calm and peaceful unless they have insulted their so-called offender enough, may not be in exactly same words, but in many ways that can best hurt others. In fact, you must have heard many people proudly say, “No one can fight with me, and win me in argument” the famous dialogue “Mujhse ladte samay sabki bolti bandh ho jati hai”. (Of course I am talking about a quarrel and not a genuine healthy debate.) When we proudly say that I can hurt someone best, they become speechless, they are fully agitated and provoked by my words, what are we actually proving? Our Greatness or Glories? No, we are proving how horrible we are, that we can fall down to any degree just to upset others.
Then there are also times, when we understand the reason and justifications behind somebody’s mistake, we know them to be genuine, and yet we scold them. Why? Simply because, our Egoistic and Selfish expectations are frustrated. And we want to throw it out. Some exhibit their ego by fighting back and some by silence.
But where is all this leading us to? How much and how long can we live hurting others and holding grudges. Do we even realize, when we talk about inviting Krsna in our hearts, is our heart worthy enough for Krsna to stay? How can he sit on the floor of lust, in the darkness of anger and dirty odor of vengefulness and also recently I read Rumi, who said, “When we look for the lord, the Lord is in the looks of eyes,” How can we expect to look at Krsna, when our eyes are completely filled with hatred.
Besides this, it is not only the offender who needs to be tolerant and cultivate forbearance, but it also required for the offended to be patience and forgiving. Only this can help bring about harmony. Because, as my Guru Maharaj (HH Radhanath Swami) says, “Holding grudges or anger against someone, it is like holding a burning coal in our hands, to throw at them, but can we see that the first thing to get burn is our own hands” We must have often heard that you need to forgive to be forgiven. In church when we pray, “and forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us”
There is a very simple formula for a peaceful life, “FORGIVENESS” but it is very difficult to follow. One of the most effective way to get rid of any injury or hurt is to realize, “ I must have done the same to somebody at some time and so I am facing this” and that’s it, the pain is reduced and we are humbled. Thus we can transform frustrating situations in glorious opportunities to be humble and seek for mercy.
Anger and Intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding- Mahatma Gandhi and whatever begins in anger is bound to end in shame. A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook offences.