What IF?

When I think of my student life I remember my preference for the first bench right in front of the teacher (unless we had to rotate around the classroom), the second seat on the left side of the school bus, completed notebooks in microscopic hand-writing, (Dadu- my favorite friend recommended to submit magnifying glass along with my projects and answer-sheets ), being in the library even in the vacations, and practically burying myself in the books besides doing absolute urgent things like eating, bathing answering nature’s call (NERD Alert).

When I married I thought, why was I so inspired to marry the last bencher, with no idea where or in what condition his books were and who doesn’t like to read (forget about poetry), who has so many people to talk to, who is people’s favorite, mom’s favorite (even my mom’s), who can know the life story of a total stranger, in an absolutely new place, in 10 literally mins (Gujaratis *rolling eyes*)

WHY? Was the question with which I began to think (my most favorite pass-time.) which then led to What Ifs?

• ·         What if I took the job in the IT Company?
• ·         What if I stayed the lecturer or the teacher I was?
• ·         What if another relationship worked out (with another nerd)?
• ·         What if I cleared my MSc?

·         What if both of us led a usual life with our careers and weren’t rash at all?

Healing Corner completes its 3 years. (tithi wise it was yesterday-Ashaadi beej, and date-wise it is tomorrow 6^th July)

And I was reflecting on how it healed my life. I don’t know if this is my permanent sanctum, but I am my happiest self. For the first time, everything that happened actually makes sense, I married someone who may not be a nerd, but who accepts and supports my nerdy behavior, who is the perfect puzzle piece, complementing my every shortcoming, and challenging my strength’s to inspire me to be more.

Just like my nerdy friend and forever partner – vidu, my husband is on my tail to keep a poke-easy like me on my toes. And together, favored by Krishna’s grace, Srila Prabhupada's mercy, seniors’ support and prayers and blessings of all the lovely friends, we could see our dreams through.

If any of the what-ifs went differently, Shishuvatika would not be a part of my existence, and I wouldn’t meet those 16 lovely souls every day, who I wonder have come to learn from me or teach me the aesthetics of life. We may not be making great money anymore, but our lives have a meaning which completely quenches and satisfies. A job, where I hate holidays, where I can go even when I am tired or sick, where a world is created untouched from complications, where Life exists in its pure form, aspiring to be that way and grow in love. The series of catastrophes since my father's death was perfectly orchestrated to bring me where I am today. It was painful, confusing, frustrating, but in the end, soul-satisfying.

Often in our lives, things happen that we don’t understand, that we don’t plan, that we don’t intend or expect, the key is to have faith, in that ‘Sutra-Dhar’ (could not find an English equivalent), who knows exactly what is right for you, who knows where you fit the best, the struggles of our life are like pains of creation, that is experienced by an athlete in making, the stone in sculpting, the winners in training or the life taking birth. It may get unbearable, have trust, be vulnerable, and surrender. He knows what you are best at, and he will bring upon what will make you most happy. Let him.